Hello Again

The best laid plans…..or so it goes.  Once upon a time, I had a dream, and lofty goals and great plans.  And then life turned upside down and nothing went as planned, and for awhile, everything turned to shit.  Right now I am not ready to go in to the thick of it, but it is getting better.  Slowly I can once again feel the ground beneath my feet and while I am slowly beginning to feel that yearning and longing for those dreams again, I am certainly no longer the Lori Lynn of March 2016.  Once upon a time I foolishly thought I had it figured out, and then I fell flat on my face.  Trauma can come at us in many different forms.  Once upon a 2016 I felt as though I was atop a mountain, looking out at the great wonders ahead of me and then unexpectedly a sinkhole swallowed me, and that mountain, and my dreams and goals.  I know, very vague and metaphoric ;), but I am a college student now, and I can use the creative writing practice (more about that amazing turn of events another time).

What I can say, is that the desire to create is once again alive and well, I have been playing with paint more so than I have been painting.  I am letting myself paint for the love of it, for the healing it brings me.  I have been exploring, re-examining and re-evaluating the role art plays in my life.  For a long period of time I was unable to paint, to create, or even to write.   I couldn’t bring myself to express the blackness and despair, it just hurt too much.  So I had to let it go for awhile and try to heal.   I am only 50% of the way back, but I am getting there.  The wounds are still fresh, and I have to tread lightly for now, I do not know what direction my art will take from here, I have to let it come organically.  I still have those lofty dreams of teaching and inspiring and working with others to let art heal them, but right now, I need to let it heal me.  And it is, and now that I have finally put words to this page, perhaps I can once again begin sharing with you.

bad phone photo of “House Hunting” copyright Lori Lynn Fell 2017
Work In Progress copyright Lori Lynn Fell 2017